Bodyguard of Truth
by blue104
Summary: The mountain has fallen. The prisoners have returned. In the wake of war and betrayal, Clarke remains to be found and Lexa must now face new threats from within. Both must learn new ways to survive. For now, rated M due to language. Season 2 finale spoilers.
1. Overture

**Disclaimer: I don't not own any characters, titles, etc.**

**This will be a running story (and I'll try to update as regularly as possible). Don't worry: there will be Clexa.**

* * *

_"Not everyone. Not you."_

She hadn't known what had made her say the words. They had erupted from her lungs, pressed her against her teeth, and released themselves until Clarke could hear the words for herself. Lexa had scanned Clarke's face. For something. Anything. Clark had stepped back, sliding her heel away. Away from Lexa. First, there had been silence. That is, until Clark had opened her own lips to finally speak. She had asked her to trust her. Lexa had replied that she could not. But the words, Lexa's words, continued to float between them, swirling around their ears through the air, following them wherever they went.

"Not everyone," she had said. "Not you."

_I saved you, Clarke. No one else but you._

Clarke had walked away anyway. Regardless. Because she would not be so quick to allow for Octavia's death. Not as she had been before, when the Mountain Men's weapon had bared itself down upon the people of Tondc. _I changed_, Clarke had said. With defiance. History would not repeat itself. Clarke had walked away and Lexa had felt the muscles in her chest pull into knots. Octavia would be spared. Clarke had willed it. Lexa would make it so.

"Octavia has nothing to fear from me," she had said.

_You have nothing to fear from me._

Lexa did not stir from her seat, the throne situated to the rear. She did not waver her eyes, either, as she watched the still flaps of her tent. The flaps never moved. She had half expected Clarke to come barreling through, ordering the guards to step aside. But she wouldn't. Lexa knew she wouldn't. Not anymore and never again. Not after what had occurred. Not after what she, the Commander, had done.

She could see Emerson's face, even now. Of course, she could. She had replayed the scene in her head, over and over and over and over.

"Stop, don't kill me. Listen, instead."

"And why should I?"

"Because I have a deal for you." Emerson placed his weapon down onto the ground before pulling a portable monitor from a pocket. "You can negotiate, can't you?"

"What is this?"

"Your people. We've anticipated your plan, commander."

"What?"

"Retreat now and you will let your people go. If you don't consent, and if my people don't hear from me in five minutes, all of your people will die."

The monitor had flickered as one of her warriors pulled it from Emerson hand. Lexa could see the the barrel of each gun pressed against the heads of her people. She could nearly see how some shivered and how others remained with their heads high.

"And the sky people?"

"That's the beauty of it. They are why you can trust me. If we have them, if we have their marrow, we have no real need for your blood."

"You want me to betray them."

"I want to do my duty. And I'm giving you a chance to save your people, too. You'd be wise to take it."

"_Pleni_."

"You're running out of time, commander. Your people will be executed. All of them. We will spare no one. Like I said. We don't need them anymore. Not when we could have the arkers. Save your people while you can. Save those you can. Retreat. Avoid needless bloodshed."

"Fine." Her voice had been quiet at first. Her fingers wrapped around her weapon. "Fine. We will do as you say."

Lexa wished she could stop the memory there. But she couldn't. She couldn't forget the expression across Clarke's face as she ordered the retreat. Each read the other's eyes.

"Why?"

"I had to."

And she had turned away, no longer able to meet Clarke's eyes. She could still feel her, even now, begging for her to stay. To trust.

"May we meet again," Lexa had said.

The tent flaps were pushed roughly to the sides. She nearly rose to her feet. She very nearly believed that Clarke had run through. Indra bowed her head.

"_Heda_," she said. "You called for me?"

Lexa swallowed; "Yes. Yes I have." She leaned back into the throne. "I have been told that Lincoln has escaped."

"Yes. That is true."

"And I have been told that your mate had been among the reapers. And that you disavowed your second when the retreat was called."

"Yes, _heda_. Both are true."

"I am not stupid, Indra. You let Lincoln free."

"I did. I allowed him to make a choice. To stay or leave."

"And for your sake as well?"

Indra paused before speaking. She had been offered liberties in the past. Not now maybe. "Yes, _heda_. I suspected he would return to the sky people."

"Good."

Indra shifted her eyes towards the young commander. In surprise, maybe. Lexa had nearly surprised herself. Her fingers gripped the arms of her throne.

"You saw him go towards the mountain?" Lexa said.

"I did."

"Very well. Send scouts."

"For Lincoln, _heda_?"

"No. Not for Lincoln. He has made his choice. Send scouts to the edge of the agreed upon perimeter. For information."

"As you wish."

Indra left, leaving Lexa once more alone with her memories. Her memories of Clarke. She did not blink as she continued to stare at the flaps that had since stopped their tremble. The surface of her eyes began to sting, then moisten. She swallowed the saliva that had gathered beneath her tongue, lifting her eyes before the tears could fall, as she had all those days ago when Clarke had walked away from her. When Clarke had threatened to terminate the alliance that had formed between them.

_What have I done?_

* * *

Clarke could not hear the screams through the monitors. She saw them instead. She saw the ways their mouths gaped opened, soundlessly, as skin blistered and bubbled. Popped. Bellamy grimaced. Clarke stumbled back at the sight. She could hardly breathe.

_No. This isn't real. None of this is real. This isn't happening. Oh god, this can't be happening._

_She'll wake up. Maybe she got knocked out in the fight. yes. That's what happened. She got knocked out in the fight and now she's dreaming. The grounders never betrayed them. They freed their people. All their people. Lexa never left. It'll be okay. She'll waken in the grounder camp. In Lexa's tent. The war will be over and Clarke will be ready. They'll leave for Polis. Lexa will take her. Because Lexa never left._

Boom.

Emmerson blew the locks on the door. His face pinched and pulled and reddened. He watched his people die. All of them. The children, too.

"You." He pulled Clarke into a chokehold. He pressed his gun against her head. "You. You killed them all. Say something. Say something, you bitch. How about you say something?"

"Hey! Let her go."

Emmerson turneds the voice, towards Monty. "I want you to get out."

"What? No. I'm not leaving Clarke. Or Bellamy."

"If you don't I'll kill you all. Don't think that I want."

"I said-"

"Do it," said Clarke. The air in her ears felt thick. Like cottonballs. "Just go, Monty. We'll be fine. Just make sure the others are free. They need you."

He hesitated.

"Go, Monty!" Clarke watched as he ran. "You too, Bellamy. Go."

Bellamy shook his head. "No way."

"That's right. He's not going anywhere. Both of you are staying put with me. Put your weapon down or I'll kill her."

"Screw you. Kill her and I'll kill you."

Emmerson laughed. "Is that right?"

* * *

"_Heda_. Is this wise?"

"It is necessary, Indra." The gates of the Camp Jaha loomed over them. "The scouts. Have they reported?"

"No movement since the fall of the mountain. The same as before."

"Then you know what to do."

"I have already assigned the next scouting party."

"Good."

The gates opened for the grounders. Lexa squeezed the body of her horse with her legs, nudged the beast forward for her. She wished she could turn around. She wished she could run away. But what use are wishes?

"Welcome, _heda._" Lincoln said. He stood among the sky people, garbed in Skaikru clothes.

"Do you speak for them, now?"

"Yes, _heda_. They... acknowledge my place with them. And my knoweldge of the ground. I am their ambassador."

"I see." Lexa dismounted the horse. She examined each face around the camp. Some had gathered. Others continued with their tasks. No weapons. "And the chancellor?"

"Tending to the wounded." Lincoln paused before looking towards the man who stared beside the ark. Kane. The man who had proven his worth in the cell. "We will speak here. In the open. You will come to no harm here, but we cannot allow you further. Terms must be set."

"Yes. The terms. You know why I am here, Lincoln." She steeled her face. "_Jus drein jus daun_."

The one called Kane raised an eyebrow.

"Blood must have blood," she said again. "I saved my people. Not all were warriors, so I did what was necessary. To save the innocents. But not your innocents. They paid the price. _Jus drein jus daun_. We offer justice to the Skaikru."

"No." Raven hobbled out from behind the doors of the ark. "You don't get to say that. You don't get to stand there and say those things."

"Raven..." A boy held her by the arm. He held her back.

"Back off, Wick." The girl turned towards Lexa. "Where do you get off? We don't fucking want your damn justice."

"Put your weapons away," Lincoln yelled. He gestured at the Skaikru, standing between the guns and Lexa. "No more weapons."

Lexa nodded towards Indra. "You, too."

"No. Fuck this." Raven pushed forward once more. "You betrayed us. You left us to die. Clark is dead because of you."

"What?" Lexa widened her eyes. Nonono. This cannot be right. Steel your face. You know better. This cannot be right. "What did you say?"

"You fucking heard me. They kept her awake. They drilled into her. They ripped the marrow from her bone. Then they tossed her aside like trash. All because of you."

"Raven." Kane stepped forward for the first time. "That's enough. Get back inside."

And Raven did back away, her eyes unwavering. "I hope her death fucking haunts you."

The numbness came first. It tingled beneath her skin, running down her arms into her fingers. It filled the space behind her face and around her temples until light could barely filter through her eyes and until no sound could filter through her ears. She did not cry. She did not whimper. She did not shift or change or morph her expression. She only felt the numbness.

The helplessness.

Because she had saved her people.

But she had left her to die. To suffer.

Her voice does not match her steeled face; "Is there a body?"

Lincoln stepped closer, lowering the tone of his words. Matching his to hers. "_Heda_? I apologize. The girl speaks out of turn. We have found no body, but we have not found Clarke either. We continue to search the mountain."

Lexa swallowed them lump that had caught in her throat. "Then, why-"

"_Jus drein jus daun_, _heda_. The Skaikru refuse your offer, and they wish for the alliance to continue. But I think the girl calls for blood in her own way. What she has done to you is her own justice. It is all she can claim."

"So Clarke has not returned."

"No."

"And you refuse my offer."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because that is what Clarke would have done."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Be sure to let me know what you think or what you would like more of.**


	2. Build That Wall

**Disclaimer: I do not own characters, the show, etc..**

**Build That Wall - Darren Korb and Ashley Barrett**

**(**** watch?v=EDagBGdMtQ0****)**

* * *

"Send a messenger. Tell them I am predisposed here. I will go to the next gathering."

"With respect, _heda_, the other leaders are growing restless. With the war they were willing to make concessions. Now, with the war over, not so much so."

"That is why you will go in my place, Indra. They know as well as I do; the last battle may have been won, but war is far from finished at that moment. It would be foolish to believe otherwise."

"Is that what you would like me to tell them?"

"Tell them that they have those who have fallen to the Mountain Men too, reapers who still roam the land. Not as many as we might, but many nonetheless. If they wish to have these men and women returned to them, they will have to be patient."

"As you wish, _heda_. And if they ask of the Sky People?"

"Use your best judgment," Lexa snapped. The end of her knife slid hard into the wood of her chair. Indra lifted her eyebrow. "They are not enemies. For now, they are to be considered under the protection of our clan."

"It will be done." Indra turned around to leave, furrowing her brow as her heels dug divots into the dirt. "May I speak freely?"

"Fine. But be quick."

"You know what Anya would have said."

"Do I?" Lexa felt her voice flex once more.

"_Hodnes laik kwelnes_. It is true. But it is strength, too. It is only weakness when it is dwelled upon, when the past inteferes with the present and future. With battle."

"What are you trying to say," she said. Her voice became even again. Just under the precipice. "Spit it out."

"Love is strength. It gives us a reason to fight without falling too far over the edge of ruthlessness, the boundary between man and beast. Between warrior and reaper. I never approved of the sky-girl, but she showed strength in passion. She may have misunderstood our ways, what we mean when we say that love is weakness, but I fear that you have as well. In those moments, it is strength. Love is weakness when it becomes a barrier between you and your future."

"Em pleni. No more with your riddles. If you have nothing more, leave."

Indra lingered by the flaps of Lexa's tent. "That is what Anya would have said. But I will speak plainly. You are wasting your time here. Weeks have passed and yet you continue the search. This is about more than curing the Reapers. I know this. Clarke is gone. _Hodnes laik kwelnes_."

The knife plunged into the chair, the sound deep and round. Lexa stood for the first time, her true face pushing finally towards the surface. Battling to be seen. To be unleashed. Lexa stood smaller than Indra, but her eyes, painted black, lifted her.

"Never speak her name in my presence. You are my advisor, Indra. You are afforded liberties. But if you speak her name once more, I will have your tongue. Now leave."

"As you wish, _heda_."

* * *

The air stilled when Indra left. Lexa's legs began to shake, began to crumble, began to waver. She pulled the knife from the wood, resisting with every muscle in her chest, the urge to throw the piece of metal. Clarke is not gone, she said to herself. I will not believe it until I see it.

EMERSON: This is Lieutenant Emerson, Mount Weather. Today's date is Thursday, May 21. The time is now 0533. This will be a taped recording of Cerberus Experiment 351. Say again, Experiment 3-5-1. Last name Griffin, G-R-I-F-F-I-N. First name Clarke, C-L-A-R-K-E.

CLARKE: Get away from me.

EMERSON: Shut up, bitch. You see, you've made one fatal mistake. There's no one left who needs your marrow, girl, so now there's no one left who needs you. Did you think I would just keel over when you let the air in? Is that what you thought we would do? No. You need to suffer for what you've done to us. You need to suffer for all those fucking people you murdered.

CLARKE: You came after us first.

EMERSON: The children came after you? Maybe you have spent too much time with those savages. Tell me, Clarke. Are you a grounder pounder? Did you fuck one of them? I'm sure you let them fuck you. The commander right?

CLARKE: Shut your mouth.

EMERSON: Look how she barks. It still stings, doesn't it? How your little fuck buddy betrayed you? Used you? She tossed you aside like a broken toy, didn't she?

CLARKE [unrecognizable yelling]: No! Fuck you!

EMERSON: Now, now. You may want to save that aggression for later. For the experiment. This will be interesting. For the both of us, I think. President Cage developed a drug designed just for you fucking arkers. Just in case we ever ran out of use for you. It's a shame he isn't here to see the results through. Of course, that's your fault. All. Your. Fault.

BELLAMY: Get that away from her!

EMERSON: Aren't you freaking eager? Your turn will come. Her first. Then you.

CLARKE: Let him go. Please. He didn't do anything. It was all me.

BELLAMY: Clarke-

EMERSON: I'm not stupid, bitch. I know that's a lie. Don't worry. I won't kill either of you. But you will suffer for what you've done.

CLARKE [unrecognizeable yelling]

EMERSON: Don't you fucking worry. The first dose is always the worst.

BELLAMY: No!

EMERSON: How the tables have turned.

* * *

Lexa had made the right choice. She knew this. Saving her people was necessary. Saving her people was absolute. The warrior in her heart had raged against her choice, had raged to plunge her sword through Emerson's spine, had raged for the blood of the Mountain Men. But then she had remembered Clarke. She had remembered her face in the moment they had fled for the missile aimed towards Tondc. She had remembered her face when she had told her that she would not make such a decision again. She would not let people die for her.

So she had asked herself what Clarke would have done.

And she had sheathed her blade.

Lexa had made the right choice. She knew this.

But it was never the choice she had wanted to make. She wished that she never had been presented with the choice at all.

Anya would have fought. She knew this, too.

Indra would have charged forward, slicing the Mountain Man's throat before a truce could even be offered.

Clarke would not have. Clarke would have saved her people. Would Clarke have sacrificed Lexa, too? Would she have left Lexa behind? Would she have found another way? No. She would have saved the boy. She would have saved Bellamy. Lexa clenched her teeth. Clarke had cared for Bellamy. More than she had cared for the others. She believed this to be true.

And now, if Clarke was alive, she would be with Bellamy, with him as his protector.

And now, if Clarke had died, she would have died with his face to bare.

But he had not been presented with the burden of Lexa's choice.

Lexa watched as her warriors trained and battled. She watched as her people prepared the meat from the latest hunt. She remembered those moments when Clarke had stood by her side, when for the first time in many seasons, Lexa had felt close to an equal.

She wished that either had no need for strength. She wished that neither were faced with such choices.

Lincoln's words echoed in her ears (her own words, in fact). "It is what Clarke would have done."

She knew which choice to make.

Lexa called towards the woman tending to the fruits of the hunt. "Set aside a portion," she said. "It will be delivered to the sky people. To Clarke's people."

* * *

EMERSON: Cerberus Experiment 3-5-1, Dose 15, 1-5. The date is Monday, May 25. The time is 2203. Dose has been administered.

BELLAMY [whispering]: What are you doing?

EMERSON: Shut up.

(The high pitched tone breaks out. A short rattle is heard behind it).

EMERSON: Shock her.

(The high pitched tone sounds once more. CLARKE yells, in the background, her voice muffled).

EMERSON: Ten seconds. Aren't you the tough one? Do you think you can last that long, boy?

BELLAMY: Fuck you.

EMERSON: Again.

(For the third time, the high pitched tone sounds. Screams are heard).

EMERSON: Look at these, Clarke. Look at them. Recognize those faces? Shock her again.

BELLAMY [whispering]: You're fucking sick.

EMERSON: That's enough for now. You. Come here.

GUARD: Yes, sir.

EMERSON: Triple dosage 16. I want shock treatments done every half hour. Is that clear?

GUARD: Yes, sir.

EMERSON: We'll move to Phase 2 tomorrow morning.

GUARD: Yes, sir.

BELLAMY: What the hell is Phase 2? Come back here! [_rattling_] Come back here! What the hell are you doing to her? You fucking son of a bitch!

EMERSON: For the record, Experiment 351 is a success so far. Everything is moving according to the timeline. 351 has begun to fear the tone. She is beginning to cease response to all other stimuli.

* * *

"_Heda_! There is movement near perimeter of the mountain."

Lexa looked up, nearly startled. The young warrior regarded the commander, eagerly, shifting within his boots. Lexa grabbed her weapon, steeling the emotions that had begun to well in the pit of her gut.

"Who was seen?"

"Several of the sky people, *heda*. And the girl and the boy."

"Clarke?"

"Yes, _heda_. Lincoln as well. A party of five."

"You have done well. Go to Nyko. Tell him I have business to be done. If I am needed, instruct him to send the skty people's blue fire into the sky."

"As you wish, *heda.*"

She knew she should not go. Alone, at least. To a place none of her people would go, at least. She should not go. Lexa felt her feet move regardless, beyond the walls of Tondc. The threat had been quelled. The village could do without her presence for the while. She has business elsewhere. She barreled through the trees, silently crushing the leaves beneath her feet. She moved quickly. Quicker than the sky people ever could.

She saw the group, staggering towards the walls enclosing the battleground where three hundred of her warriors had burned. Her heart pulled when she saw the boy Bellamy cradle the limp Clarke in his arms.

Covered in blood. Lincoln covered in blood. Octavia covered in blood. Bellamy covered in blood.

Clarke covered in blood.

Lexa stepped forward.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Raven pulled the charging handle of her rifle back. The handle slammed forward loudly. "Don't you come closer."

"Raven, stop." Lincoln lowered the muzzle of the rifle. "_Heda_."

"Is she-"

"What do you care?" Bellamy's voice was low. Quiet. Cracked as though he had not spoken in days. Different than the voice that had emerged from Raven's throat. "How in the hell do you give a damn? Just get away from her."

The boy continued to push forward, dragging his leg and pulling Clarke's body towards his own. Octavia followed, unwilling, as it seemed, to let Bellamy out of her sight. Raven did not move from where she stood. The barrel of the gun continued to stare at the dirt, but Raven did not waver. Lincoln tensed his jaw.

He turned away.

"Do not shoot her while I am gone" he said. "It is getting late. Clarke needs to be chained soon."

"Why," Lexa said. Her voice was soft. Softer than it ever had been.

Raven reached into her bag, eyes never moving, face never shifting. She tossed the object into the dirt. It spun before hitting the leather wrapped around Lexa's feet.

The empty canister and the needle.

* * *

**A/N: I hoped you all liked this latest chapter. Again, as always, feel free to leave a review, and thanks to everyone so far for the praise. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep these chapters chugging along.**


	3. Love to a Monster

**Disclaimer: As always, I do not own any characters, the show, etc..**

**Love to a Monster - Okkervil River**

**(**** /watch?v=DHE5SUqs8T0)**

* * *

**[Bellamy] Raven Lincoln Lexa**

It was something I used to do when bored. Pick the locks of the handcuffs we had been issued. After all, crime had never been truly rampant. Not when the punishment meant having every last mililiter of air torn from your lungs. Not when the punishment meant floating. So I would pick the handcuffs. It became like second nature.

But Emerson didn't know this.

The bastard didn't hear the small click of the cuffs loosening from my wrists. He was too focused on you for that. Of course, there would've been a time when I would've taken him right there and then. I've spent too much time in the mountain for that. I guess I've learned to be patient, to wait for the right time. Clarke, I promised you that I would get you out of there. You never heard me. You couldn't hear me over the sound of the drugs in your system. But I promised. I did.

What comes after getting you out?

I had no idea. I still don't.

I just knew we had to end this. End the Mountain Men. Once and for all. It's not just on you, Clarke. It's on me, too.

I didn't know what to think when he placed the drug on the floor. He paced out his steps like he'd seen this done before. Like maybe he'd even done it before. He probably had. With the grounders, I mean. Lincoln told me that's what they do. He told me that it's part of the process. Part of what they do to turn people into reapers. He said it isn't just the drug. He said it's everything they make you do, too.

But I didn't know that, then. All I knew that this was different.

At least he wasn't shocking you anymore. That's all I could really think about.

Then he opened the doors. The grounder was strapped to his chair, same as you. He had the same look in his eyes. You both looked at the drug. I could see the way you itched for it. But I could see the way you fought it. You did fight it, Clarke. I saw you. You can fight it now, too.

The guards loosened your straps while Emerson just stood there, playing that stupid goddamn tone. They walked away. And then you were off. You fought him for it. He never stood a chance. But I saw how you pulled back. At the last moment. You left him unconscious instead of dead. I saw that. You didn't have to do that, Clarke. But you did. That made the difference.

I never thought you would hurt me. Even when you turned on me.

I was right.

All it took was for me to talk to you. Talk you down a little. Emerson had never counted on that. I would speak to you, you know. When Emerson would go away. Tell you stories. Stupid stories from the ark. Stupid stories about our friends, too. Stories about nothing. Stories just to pass the time. Before Octavia was sent away, I spent a lot of time in school. Learning. Funny, right? I figured what was mattered was the way I talked to you. What matter was how I said every word.

It worked. You growled at me, but you stopped. You could have ripped my throat out, but you didn't. Then Emerson walked in. He was furious. Not enough aggression. He wanted more shock treatments for you. More drugs.

The doors were still open.

I knew it was now or never.

I looked you straight in the eyes.

_We're getting out of here,_ I said.

I swear you understood. I leapt towards Emerson and knocked the machine out of his hand before he could sound the tone. His gun was easy to grab. He had gotten sloppy. Still strong, though. Stronger than me. I hadn't eaten properly in weeks. The gun was just out of my reach, and he had his hands around my neck. Choking me a lot how I choked that guard. Lovejoy.

_Him_, I told you. _He's the one who hurt you._

I don't know if you understood. I swear that you did. Becuase you set yourself down on him. I might have been weak, but you weren't. I grabbed the gun. I knew we were going to have to fight our way out. I knew we were going to get out. I promised, just like I promised Octavia, just like I promised my mother. There was no way in hell I was going to break another promise.

I don't know how long we had been fighting for. I don't know how long we had been firing our weapons at each other. It can't have been long. I hadn't even emptied the thirty round clip. I don't know if it had been coincidence, either. Maybe it had been some sort of random act of god. Maybe everyone knew we were there. Octavia came down through a hatch. She never needed a gun.

You, me, and Octavia.

We took down those guards like they were nothing.

We saved each other.

Octavia hugged me. I got complacent. I can't find any other reason than that. My back was turned to you, so I didn't see that the drug was still in your hands, the one that Emerson had left for you. You had it to your neck.

Octavia saw. She knew what the drug had done to Lincoln. I think she saw it in the way you fought, too.

She lunged for you. But I had been complacent. I hadn't seen earlier, what you were going to do, and Octavia couldn't reach you in time. Your eyes rolled back into your head, and I could see it. I could see the rage and the aggression and the goddamn fucking drug running through you. Octavia knocked the canister away, but by then it was already too late.

You turned on her. I tried to get you to stop, like I had before, but like I said. It was too late. Maybe that last dose was too strong for me to make any sort of difference.

Octavia knocked you over the head and you fell unconscious.

_Don't worry_, she said. I didn't kill her. _Come on. We'll take her to the dropship. We'll make sure she gets better._

Lincoln and Raven met us along the way. He treated our wounds and walked us to the dropship. We didn't see *her* until we got here. Lexa. Octavia and Raven told me everything. Lincoln said a few words here and there. All of that had been enough. Alliance be damned. I could care less as to what the right or wrong decision was. Maybe she chose right. Maybe she didn't. Like I said. I don't care. I wasn't going to let her hurt you again.

She's still out there. Waiting. Raven has a gun pointed at her, but she hasn't even flinched. Not for hours. Should I let her in? Is that what you would have wanted?

When you're yourself again, you're going to have to tell me what you ever saw in her.

**Bellamy Raven [Lincoln] Lexa**

It would be in your best interest to recover. I speak for your people now. Not as you had, but I can speak to the clan on the behalf of yours.

It is strange to see you like this. We have chained you up in the same way you have had me chained up twice before. In the same building. You growl as a reaper. As I have. I know you pain, Clarke of the Sky People. It has been my own. I know how you crave the Red. You yearn for it. You wish for the nothingness it brings, for the way the rage washes sin away.

I have not told Octavia this, but I tell you. Because you share my pain.

I have not forgotten what I have done during my time as a monster. I have not forgotten what was said to me during my time as a monster. I had been aware. Completely. Of everything.

That is why you must fight. Because you will most certainly regret what will come to pass if you do not.

It will not be easy. Your skin will grow hot and cold at once. Your muscles will clench and seize. But you must fight.

More than this, you must not die.

I fear what will come to pass with your death.

The one called Kane understand our ways more. He wishes for peace. He does not wish to see death. He rules with his heart, but he rules with a sense of logic. With calmness. I trust him. Is this right?

Your mother I trust for now. Her mind is occupied with the healing of the Reapers.

She rules with her heart. It is concerning. She heals our people for now, but there has been talk of the alliance between clans falling. Whispers only, but whispers can become screams. Your people are not many, but your technology holds power. Your people will certainly have a place in the conflict to come, and I do not know how your people will respond.

The commander needs you as well.

Your people have a place in the coming conflict. _You_ have a place in the coming conflict. How you choose will change everything. How you lead will change everything.

The commander will not admit the truth, but she is affected by you. I have not seen this before. It is new. If you die, with finality, I do not know how she will respond. Perhaps this is the most terrifying of all.

So, you see.

It would be in your best interest to recover. It would be in your best interest to not die.

Your fight is not over, Clarke of the Sky People. Get knocked down, get back up. _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim_, Clarke.

**Bellamy [Raven] Lincoln Lexa**

You have got some really fucked up timing. You know that? Of course, you do. You know everything. You probably planned this all out. I mean, all of this. This had to be part of some sort of great big plan you had cooking up, right? It can't have all been for nothing. I mean, it's all worked out for the better so far, right? We got everyone back. Bruised a little, maybe. And now both my legs are fucking fucked up. Why in the hell couldn't they have drilled into my other leg? Crazy, right? Of all legs to *not* drill into, it's the leg I can't feel anything in.

Great.

I guess I should let you know what happened with your little commander. Here's how it goes:

I didn't know how much help I would've been to you, so I let Lincoln, Bellamy, and Octavia deal with it. They certainly _seemed_ to know a lot more on how to start getting you better. If you were made of circuits and chips and wires... Hell, I would've gotten you better already. But you aren't, so I stood post outside.

She just kind of... sits there.

She doesn't attack us or yell it us or try to get in. She just doesn't really move. At all. Weird.

I hear Lincoln and Bellamy walk out of the dropship, aruging. Probably trying to see who's dick is bigger. Lincoln wants to bring you back to Camp Jaha. Or, at least, he wants Abby to come to the dropship, to get you through rehab.

That's when she speaks. First damn words I had heard her speak in hours.

_No._ Just _no_. That's all she says. I think she wanted to say more, about what you would have wanted, but Bellamy cuts her off. He gives her this weird look before throwing in his own opinion. You think he's jealous?

_She wouldn't want her mother to see her like this_, he says. _She wouldn't want everyone else to see her like this, either._

He looks to me for support. Fuck if I know. Abby'd probably want to be there. But she'd probably get overprotective again, too, and that'd be annoying as hell to deal with. She nods along, though. I think she wanted to say the same thing, and she has this look in her eyes, the same one Bellamy had. Shit, right?

They're staring at each other, and now it's like the two of them are trying to measure the size of _their_ dicks.

Who knows the princess better?

Who can save the princess?

Lexa clears her throat and stands. _I can get Nyko_, she says. _He has been learning from your people how to cure this illness. He will help._

I laugh at her. _Like your help has been just peachy_, I say. Sorry.

_I will be back. I will bring him._

I think she growled at me.

Bellamy nods but he doesn't look to happy. Probably wanted to find a way to fix you himself. Probably doesn't like relying on the great grounder commander. I sure as hell don't. But that's just my opinion. Who the fuck cares about my opinion, right? And that's when you say that you would and that you would choose me and some sappy shit like that. It's as annoying as fuck, but I'd rather hear you say that then have you chained up here like some sort of animal.

When Lexa gets back, she sends Nyko through the gates. She doesn't go through, though. She stops just short.

I call her a coward. She flinches. I don't think I've ever seen her react to anything I've ever said.

Sorry again.

No, fuck that. Not sorry. Bellamy's a jackass, but he'd probably be better for you. One, he's not a grounder. Two, he didn't abandon us. Three, he didn't kill Finn.

That's right. I haven't forgotten about that.

...Whatever. Just get better, alright?

We need you.

**Bellamy Raven Lincoln [Lexa]**

Clarke. I am sorry.

In truth, I did not know what to believe. The girl Raven led to me believe that you had died, that you had been harvested for your bone. I did not believe. I kept looking. But I would be lying if I said that a part of me did not think that she spoke the truth.

But perhaps you do not believe me either. Perhaps you do not believe that I _am sorry. _That I do care. Of course, I care, Clarke.

If I hadn't been Commander... If I had been only a warrior whose Commander had called for a retreat, a retreat dictated by a truce with _them_... Know that I would have stayed for you. And I would have suffered a thousand cuts for it. If that had been the choice, the choice would have been easy.

No. I will not stand here and tell you that I have done what needed to be done. For my people. You have heard this already. It has taken me a great deal of time to come here, to see you face-to-face. I do not know why I am afraid.

Guilt? Perhaps it is hard to see you this way.

It is hard to see you with him.

I am sorry. It appears... I'm not good at speaking with one who will not respond.

But as I said. It has taken time for me to be here. Lincoln has told me that it would help if we spoke to you, that the words we say would matter. I do not know how much truth he speaks, but I do know that my time here with you is limited. The others would like to be by your side. So I will tell you something of true worth.

I think much of our time together.

The apes. Do you remember? I don't know how you could.

For me, I think that is when I decided. That I care.

When we escaped the apes, you told us that we needed the boy on the inside to win. You told me that it would work, that you had faith in him.

And then I told you to wait. Because the boy had not yet signaled and because I needed you to. I wanted to show you my world and teach you more about our ways. I wanted to know more of your ways, too. It struck me that I knew very little. I did not even know how you came to be their leader. I had only assumed.

I took you to the place beyond the statue that marked the border of Tondc. You asked me why I took you there. I didn't answer you then, but I answer you now. It is where I go to be alone. To think. To find peace. I took you there, Clarke. I hope you know what that means.

There is beauty in this world, too. I wanted you to see that. It has been a long time since I had remembered myself, but you reminded me. You told me of your time in the sky. How people lived without seeing enough of the color green. How people were _floated_ for their petty crimes. How your own father was _floated _by your leaders. But you told me of the stars as well and of the color of the Earth as seen from above.

I told you that I think I would have liked to see it.

You pulled a book of paper from your pocket as well as the colored sticks. You drew the Earth for me. You showed me what I wished to see. It was beautiful.

You showed me a picture of your father as well when you told me about him. You flipped through the pages and you angled your arm so I would not see. But I did see. I saw the picture of me as well. But you had angled your arm so I did not comment. Still. I'm glad I did see.

I wonder.

Did you see me smile?

It is what it is. You must listen to me now, Clarke. More than you have before. You are strong. You have showed me a new way of living. Now _you_ live.

* * *

**A/N: So I know I've been jumping around with the way I've been telling this story a lot. In truth, I have a lot of fun writing these two characters, but for me, this is also a chance to practice my writing, experiment with new ways of writing perspective. Hopefully, it went over well! Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed so far.**


	4. Every Planet We Reach is Dead

**Disclaimer: Don't own characters, the show, etc...**

**Every Planet We Reach is Dead - Gorillaz**

* * *

_**One Week Into Withdrawal**_

"I'm glad you've finally decided to join us."

Raven's voice sounded over the camp, tearing Lexa from her thoughts.

"I thought you didn't want me in the camp."

"Sarcasm, Commander." Raven said. She chewed on dried strip of meat. "And your being here isn't for your benefit. I just got sick of seeing you mope. How much longer are you going to even be here?"

"Please, Raven. Just stop," said Octavia, and she stared at the dirt, refusing to meet her former commander's eyes.

"It's fine." Lexa's voice stayed even as it moved through her throat. "I will be here as long as I need to be."

"Aren't _your people _wondering where you are?"

"Not at all," Lexa said. "As far as _my people _are concerned, I'm in peace talks with the leaders of _your people_."

Bellamy spoke to Lexa for the first time. Directly for the first time. "A lie?"

"No. You are mistaken. It is not a lie. I'm furthering the alliance between our peoples with those who I believe are your leaders."

"Abby is not here," Bellamy said.

"Your point?"

"She's the Chancellor."

"And?"

"You don't think she's our leader?"

"Do you?" Lexa lifted her eyebrow with the silence. "Clarke is your leader, is she not? Yet she holds no title."

"We're juvenile delinquents."

"Yes. Clarke informed me as such. With my people, we do value age. With age comes experience. Those who are old have survived a great deal. But we value youth, too. Youth brings energy. And vitality. Your elderly know life on your ark, but that is all they know. They have little experience of this land. You do. You know more of this place than they do, and you are still young. It would be a waste of my time to confer with this Abby."

"So that's the only reason why you're here?"

The two stared at each other. Lexa and Bellamy. Brows furrowed. Skin pinched.

As though she said out loud, _You know why I am here_.

As though he said out loud, _Then prove it._

Octavia cleared her throat. "Anyway. Is there something we should be aware of, then?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said it would be a waste of time, _heda_, to confer with Abby. Is there something that needs to be discussed at all?"

"The Ice Nation." Lexa stopped to chew on her rations. "But it's not pressing. I will wait for Clarke."

* * *

_**Three Hours Into Withdrawal**_

"I want it." Clarke gritted her teeth, growling the words. "Give it to me."

"Be strong, Clarke of the Skaikru."

Lexa dabbed the rag against Clarke's forehead. The metal in the straps shook as Clarke growled, snapping those same teeth at the commander, straining the muscles and the veins and the skin in her neck. Her fingers curled into fists. She shook. Lexa did not shift her arm, and she felt the teeth graze her skin. She felt Clarke's teeth pull. Lexa did not flinch.

"Be strong, Clarke," Lexa whispered.

"I need it."

"I was wrong. You are strong. Now show me."

"Please." The word emerged, a strained growl.

"No," Lexa said, whispering once more. "Show me your strength."

"Please." The voice did not change. Lexa winced.

"Show me how strong you are."

"The drug..."

"Show me that you are stronger than me."

"Just. A little. Now."

"No, Clarke."

Clarke pulled once more against her restrains, her chest heaving with every breath. She shook Lexa's hand from her face. Lexa did not move. There was nothing she could do. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She stood, motionless, as Clarke raged, each vicious pull growing weaker by the second. Weaker, then weaker, and weaker.

"I'm here, Clarke. I will not leave you again."

"Bellamy?" Clarke spoke weakly. A brief, blurred window into clarity. Lexa paused, tensing the muscles wrapped around the bones and joints in her jaw. "Help me. Please."

"I'm here, Clarke," Lexa whispered again. Coarsely, now. "I will not leave you."

Octavia was the one to relieve her. So Lexa stood in the doorway, just beyond Octavia's sight. But still close to Clarke, always close. She lifted her head towards the ceiling, swallowing the lump that had gathered in her throat, holding the salt in her eyes back, hoping that they would defy gravity.

"I didn't leave everyone," she said. "Not you."

* * *

_**Three Days Into Withdrawal**_

"You should not be here, _heda_." Nyko struggled to hold the blonde down. "You may not want to see this."

"_Pleni_. There is nowhere else for me to be."

"He's right, _heda_," said Lincoln. "This will not be easy."

"And that is why I must stay."

"Nyko is not wrong. You won't want to see this. Believe me, _heda_."

Lexa clenched the back of Lincoln's collar, roughly pulling the man close. "And what would you say if Octavia were the one strapped to these walls?"

"_Heda..._"

"And what would you say if Octavia were the one calling for help? If she were the one screaming. Would you allow yourself to leave? Tell me, Lincoln. _Tell me_."

"_Heda_, I do know that I wish that she had never seen me this way! It haunts me, _heda_. Would you wish that upon Clarke, too?"

Lexa removed her fingers. She pulled away. Silent. Nyko continued to work, administering to Clarke a various mixture of medicines. He poured the mixture down her throat. The sound. Lexa shut her eyes. As though closing her eyes would cause the noises to cease. Anya would have called her foolish. Indra would have thought it. But still, despite logic, she could not open her eyes.

"Lincoln!" Nyko pressed his hands against Clarke. "Bring me the stick. She stopped breathing."

Lexa tightened her lids grip on her eyes as Nyko plunged the light stick against Clarke's chest.

She did not know who pulled her away.

The ceiling did little to muffle the noise, but it was enough. Barely. Raven crossed her arms as she leaned against the ladder.

"Do you really care about her?"

Lexa steadied her voice. "Why is it that you ask?"

"I'm trying to figure you out."

"Do _you _care about her?"

"Of course, I do."

"Even after the Finn boy?"

She turned away. "You did that. If it weren't for her, it would have been worse."

"But you were angry with her."

"Yes. Then I got over it. I'm getting over it. Leave it alone, will you? Jesus Christ."

"I am only trying to understand your people's ways."

"You want to know if Clarke will forgive you. Fine." Raven pauses before speaking again. "Did you know I found something the little princess isn't good at? She can't work wires. Not for the life of her. Took her damn near ten minutes to find a little orange one. I would've done it but... You know. Someone shot me. So I sent her down to look for it. And we're sitting there. Her looking for the wire, me sitting there shot. And I tell her how much I _loved_ being the best and how much I _hated _not being the best any more because we all now had Clarke the Princess to save the day. Stupid in retrospect. But you know what she says? _I'd choose you_. We're sitting there in the middle of a war, and she goes and says something dumb and sappy like that.

"Of course, then we burned three hundred of your people. So there we go."

"What's your point?"

"Life is a whole lot more than any one moment. The other moments matter, too. You just have to prove that the right moments mattered."

"_Modrof_. Thank you."

"Fuck off."

* * *

**One Week and Two Days Into Withdrawal**

"-Bell?"

Lexa couldn't stop replaying the moment in her mind.

Clarke had called for the boy.

She had called for him before, when the illness had begun to reach its climax.

But Clarke had never called for Lexa. Not once.

She had felt her eyes though. She had felt the way Clarke's eyes looked into her own in those moments of what she assumed to be unabashed clarity. Lexa could only guess. She could only speculate. She could only hope. She could feel the hope become strangled when Clarke said his name, and she felt the pulse grow weaker every time she forced herself to hear the word once more.

"-Bell?"

And now they stood, holding their breaths.

"I'm right here," Bellamy said. "Everything's going to be fine now. It's over."

"Emerson?"

"Dead."

Clarke coughed before letting a small smile touch her lips. "Good," she said. She rubbed and smoothed the marks around her wrists.

"I'm glad you are well," Lexa said. She stepped forward, from behind Bellamy.

"I've been better."

"When you would like to- If you would like to, we should speak."

"Alright." Clarke's voice remained even. It did not rise. It did not fall. She did not smile. She did not frown. Her lips did not pull back with anger or disgust. She only spoke, her words reverberating with a monotone hum. "I'll let you know if I need you. Is that all?"

Lexa wants to say more. Of course, she wishes to say more. Her thoughts stop short of her tongue. Her throat is clogged. She can barely breathe. She swallows, and she can feel her words slide back down with her saliva. All the words that she had constructed in her mind in all the days past.

"No," Lexa managed. "But you know where I will be."

She left.

But she did not really leave.

Lincoln saw her in the trees when her emerged into the sunlight with Clarke. Clarke must have seen her too. Lexa had made no show of stealth. But Clarke's face did not move. The muscles barely twitched. _Something is wrong_. She thinks it. She knows it to be true. But the boy would be there. And she had called for _him_.

Even still.

She could not really leave. Not her.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all those who have stuck with me all this way. I'll try to keep these chapters chugging along best I can. Let me know what you think!**


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